On Sudden Inevitabilities...

Like suddenly finding ones self single again. 

I thought I may be feeling worse, but I am surprisingly accepting about it all.  I have learned a lot about myself in the 18 months or so.  It has been good, and I feel I have a lot more to be grateful for than to be feeling angry and resentful about.  I feel I have grown more as a person, got in touch with spirit a lot more, and learned to be more positive and open.

In the face of all this I think there are a few practices that seemed to have helped me.  First there is having something outside of your own world, something you do for little or no reward.  I have been working as a volunteer at the Pine Rivers Art Gallery for 8 or 9 months now, and feel it is something I would like to continue to do.  The staff and other volunteers are good people, and I would miss not working with them.


The second thing I think is important, really important in fact, is to keep a journal, and to write about all the good and bad things that have happened, all the hopes you have and the disappointments you may have felt.  It doesn't have to be formal or regular, but more just a conversation you are having.  Sometimes it is good to have that space and time to reflect and gain perspective on things. 

At a time like this I think we all think about the loneliness that faces us, and we can be afraid we will not meet anyone like the last person or we go on the rebound and try and pick up, just to feel normal and to experience some sort of intimacy.  It's a temptation I think we all experience, if we are not feeling so crushed by the whole feeling of loss.  In some ways it is a yearning for something new, for the hope of another spring after the winter of discontent and disappointment.  It's good to remember that we will not be alone forever, unless we choose to be.

In the meantime, we endure the in between times, the time of adjustment, of finding new contentment in rediscovering all the other aspects of who we are.  We endure platitudes like "there's plenty more fish in the sea," when all we want to do is scream.  In the end I don't to stay in the sea, I want to crawl onto the land evolve and grow legs and wings and become a new creature; I don't want to follow after the old patterns, I want to forge a new path and a new paradigm for myself.  Why should any of us lead a life of quiet desperation?